I think I struggle writing this post more than the last one. I think in the beginning when I decided to restart this blog, I told myself to be a little bit more honest no matter how hard it is. However, I still struggle with it. People in my life know that I have hard time with being open and saying what it is on my mind, especially regarding this topic. Even after couple years, it is still hard for me to talk about it. I don't know if I will ever feel completely comfortable talking about it, but I am willing to get there.
December of 2013, my sisters and I went to New York. I knew going beforehand that it was going to be a tough trip. I knew my family members were going to see me and say that I got too skinny. I had lost a lot of weight since the last time they saw me but it still hurted being judged like that way. I remember during this time putting on a lot of clothes to cover my body. I mean it worked out that it was winter, but I did because I didn't want to be noticed anymore. I just wanted to be treated like others.I think this is where I really started binge eating. I would eat more than I need to in front of people just to show that I eat. However, I started actually eating that way in the middle of the night.
I started to gain weight and I got people off my back finally. It is funny just because you look less skinnier that people assume you are healthier. I might have been at a normal weight, but the voices in my head to eat this or not eat that was constantly there. I was still not emotionally and mentally healthy yet. I continued to binge eating the freshman year. Sometimes, I still do. Honestly, I still struggle with it today but it has got a lot better.
Today, I am in a better place. I could lose about 10 pounds and be more active. However, I think I am a little bit healthier today because I no longer obsess over the number on the scale. It has been couple months since I have checked my weight. My dad recently asked me why I don't check my weight. I told him that I didn't want a number to define who I am or determine how I feel that day. I don't want to think whether I should skip a meal or be on my diet just because of the number on the weighing machine. I still struggle with these thoughts today. It is a daily battle and I get scared that I might go back to that pattern if I try to lose weight again, but I think it is about balance. It is important to nourish my body and treat it with kindness.However, it is okay to splurge and treat myself. I realized that if I overeat one day that it is okay. Instead of punishing myself, I should forgive myself and try to do better the next time. I am the individual that I am today not because of the number on the scale but because of the who I am.
I don't this kind of disorder on anyone. It not only affects you, but also your loved ones. I can't imagine how difficult it was for the people in my life to see me on this self-destructive path.There is a part of me wishes that I didn't think go through it. However, I learned how much I am loved. Despite of my actions and behavior, my friends and family still loved me. I also gained a lot of respect and empathy for people who struggle with the same thing. A lot of people assume that it is a choice to be skinny. It initially might be, but it turns into a war with your own mind. There were days where I just wanted the voices in my head to quiet down. After a while, it eventually did. I also learned to be more kind to others. I try to be more understanding and be there for people when they have problems. I realized that everyone has problems and it is important for people to be there for each other despite their differences. It is important for us to be careful of what we say to a person because you never know their story. it is important for us to be more kind and loving. We need to love a person for who they are. If a person is in trouble, instead of criticizing them, be there for them. Don't degrade, belittle, or treat them like a sick person. Show them love and compassion.
I am grateful that I was able to come out on the other side. It was through the grace of God and the tears of many that I was lucky enough to get through it. Maybe, I had to go through this so that I could be a better person who is understanding of others and their problems. Or maybe it is a lesson to be more aware of what how I treat others. Whatever, it may be, through this circumstance, I have become more kind and compassionate person. This is something that I will never regret.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Saturday, June 18, 2016
The Truth About Eating Disorders: Part 1
I ate a cup of ice cream yesterday.If you had told me two years ago that I would be eating that, I would have laughed at you.However, a lot has changed since then.See, two or three years ago, somewhere between or after junior year, I started to see food differently. Prior to junior year, I was a little overweight.Summer after sophomore year, I decided to get on a treadmill and start to be a little active.I also tried to eat more healthier by cutting out certain foods and controlling portion size. Little did I know that it would turn straight up into an obsession.
I honestly don't remember when it started, but I started noticing feeling anxious or fear over certain foods.I used to think that I didn't want to waste those calories that I tried so hard to burn.I would say no to almost any unhealthy food.Even after losing some weight and being at a normal weight, I still didn't feel good about myself.I think my family started noticing this and even told me that I look fine and there is no harm in splurging every now and then.However, it used to go right over my head. I was so worried that if I eat certain foods that I would go back to where I was before. It started to get a lot worse summer before senior and beginning of senior year.At this point, I was straight up obsessed with counting calories.My parents had basically banned me from going on the treadmill because they were so worried about me. However, any physical activity, even walking, I wondered how many calories I had burned.If I ate a piece of chocolate, I wondered how many calories I ate.All I could think about is calories.It became an unhealthy obsession and it was a voice in my head that I couldn't quiet down.Before, I know it, I was about 110 pounds in a matter of months.
Everyone at this point was so concerned about me, but I was in so much denial.I had lost so much weight at this point and my clothes were sagging. I thought I looked okay so I continued what I was doing.In the mornings before school, I would wake up before everyone else and do some jumping jacks, some sit ups, and whatever else I could do.Then, I would take a cup and put a little bit of milk and little bit of cereal that had no sugar or anything really.I would take lunch sometimes, but I would nitpick it or just not eat it.I remember being so tired and cold all the time.I didn't really feel a lot of hunger after a while.However, my mind was so motivated to look a certain way.No one really knew what to do to stop me from going down this dangerous road.I used to get into fights with my parents and I would almost always end up in tears.They would watch how and what I ate.It was horrible. I was miserable.I would shut everyone out and would despise anyone who would talk about how I looked. I remember sitting one day and having this conversation with God. I remember telling him how I don't think I was meant for this life and how he might have made a mistake in making me. It just got so dark for me. I felt so sad and depressed.The worst of it all was when people would criticize me in how I looked.They had a look of pity, concern, or disgust.They no longer saw me for who I was. I started to avoid seeing people and going to events or parties because I just couldn't deal with being noticed anymore. I just wanted to hide under a rock all the time.
This is where I am going to end it for today... The rest will be up tomorrow!
I honestly don't remember when it started, but I started noticing feeling anxious or fear over certain foods.I used to think that I didn't want to waste those calories that I tried so hard to burn.I would say no to almost any unhealthy food.Even after losing some weight and being at a normal weight, I still didn't feel good about myself.I think my family started noticing this and even told me that I look fine and there is no harm in splurging every now and then.However, it used to go right over my head. I was so worried that if I eat certain foods that I would go back to where I was before. It started to get a lot worse summer before senior and beginning of senior year.At this point, I was straight up obsessed with counting calories.My parents had basically banned me from going on the treadmill because they were so worried about me. However, any physical activity, even walking, I wondered how many calories I had burned.If I ate a piece of chocolate, I wondered how many calories I ate.All I could think about is calories.It became an unhealthy obsession and it was a voice in my head that I couldn't quiet down.Before, I know it, I was about 110 pounds in a matter of months.
Everyone at this point was so concerned about me, but I was in so much denial.I had lost so much weight at this point and my clothes were sagging. I thought I looked okay so I continued what I was doing.In the mornings before school, I would wake up before everyone else and do some jumping jacks, some sit ups, and whatever else I could do.Then, I would take a cup and put a little bit of milk and little bit of cereal that had no sugar or anything really.I would take lunch sometimes, but I would nitpick it or just not eat it.I remember being so tired and cold all the time.I didn't really feel a lot of hunger after a while.However, my mind was so motivated to look a certain way.No one really knew what to do to stop me from going down this dangerous road.I used to get into fights with my parents and I would almost always end up in tears.They would watch how and what I ate.It was horrible. I was miserable.I would shut everyone out and would despise anyone who would talk about how I looked. I remember sitting one day and having this conversation with God. I remember telling him how I don't think I was meant for this life and how he might have made a mistake in making me. It just got so dark for me. I felt so sad and depressed.The worst of it all was when people would criticize me in how I looked.They had a look of pity, concern, or disgust.They no longer saw me for who I was. I started to avoid seeing people and going to events or parties because I just couldn't deal with being noticed anymore. I just wanted to hide under a rock all the time.
This is where I am going to end it for today... The rest will be up tomorrow!
Friday, June 17, 2016
Three Years Later and A Little Wiser...Maybe
It has been over three years later since I have last blogged. I honestly thought that I would not come back to it ever again but here I am... again. I make no promises of being consist with it, but I felt like I needed to get back with blogging.
See, the reason why I started writing is because I thought that I had the courage to say what was in my heart and be open to saying my thoughts and feelings. However, being the private person I am, I found it difficult to being so open about things. I always get crap with my friends and family for not being so open. They would say that they never knew what I was thinking. However, I am learning that its not necessarily healthy to being so private all the time. I am learning that its okay to let people in and let them hear what I have to say. What better way to do all this than blogging?
Now that all the deep stuff is over, here is an update at what is happening in my life. I am nineteen years old, almost twenty. Yikes! I will start my junior year at University of Arizona in Tucson this year. I am currently majoring in Physiology and minoring in Psychology.After my undergrad, I am planning to go into Pharmacy school. I used to live in an apartment with my older sister for two years, but she is done with school, so now my little sister is going to move in with me. I have learned that it is easier to say these things than to actually go through it.College, I have learned is a whole another ball game. It is definitely not easy and it is a hard slap in the face of reality. However, I am enjoying being independent and learning how to do things on my own. I am that kid who has to be pushed off the cliff by my parents because I was too scared to jump. However, I am enjoying figuring it out and dealing with new challenges every day.
There is my quick little update and I am excited to continue blogging!
See, the reason why I started writing is because I thought that I had the courage to say what was in my heart and be open to saying my thoughts and feelings. However, being the private person I am, I found it difficult to being so open about things. I always get crap with my friends and family for not being so open. They would say that they never knew what I was thinking. However, I am learning that its not necessarily healthy to being so private all the time. I am learning that its okay to let people in and let them hear what I have to say. What better way to do all this than blogging?
Now that all the deep stuff is over, here is an update at what is happening in my life. I am nineteen years old, almost twenty. Yikes! I will start my junior year at University of Arizona in Tucson this year. I am currently majoring in Physiology and minoring in Psychology.After my undergrad, I am planning to go into Pharmacy school. I used to live in an apartment with my older sister for two years, but she is done with school, so now my little sister is going to move in with me. I have learned that it is easier to say these things than to actually go through it.College, I have learned is a whole another ball game. It is definitely not easy and it is a hard slap in the face of reality. However, I am enjoying being independent and learning how to do things on my own. I am that kid who has to be pushed off the cliff by my parents because I was too scared to jump. However, I am enjoying figuring it out and dealing with new challenges every day.
There is my quick little update and I am excited to continue blogging!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Disappointment
There you are sitting, kicking yourself for not making it or for making the wrong decision. The utter feeling of disappointment that floods over your soul for working so hard and not making it. You would think that there couldn't be a more worse feeling? WRONG! As you sit there and beat yourself up, you look at the loved one across you with that sad look on their face. You know that you have disappointed them too. If you were to ask me, that is the worst feeling in the world. The feeling that you have not only let yourself down, but someone else as well.
When disappointment comes, hope dies within us. We feel even worse when there is a person who is shaking their head disappointed by the failures in our life. We assume that it is the end of the world and nothing good is going to sprout from this state that we are in . We have all been there - whether it is failing a test, choosing a dead beat career, or making a dumb choice - we feel like we are at a dead end. We have no where to go and life is officially over. Guess what?? If you are reading this right now that means you are still alive. We are only at a dead end when we are DEAD!! Yeah, so you have disappointed yourself and others along the way, but you are still breathing. Breathing is a good thing. It means that there are new doors and opportunities out there for you. People may think otherwise, but I say that life is too short to care about what every person think of you. Life is too short to think about all the people you have disappointed. Someone is always going to be disappointed no matter what you do. You can't live a life where you try to please everyone and be miserable. You may be stuck but you are definitely not at a dead end. As long as you are alive there is always a way to be better and do better. The feeling of disappointment is an emotion - an emotion that does not have to be permanent. So today, lift your chin up, stop beating yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and kick BUTT in life because time is too precious to let it pass it by.
When disappointment comes, hope dies within us. We feel even worse when there is a person who is shaking their head disappointed by the failures in our life. We assume that it is the end of the world and nothing good is going to sprout from this state that we are in . We have all been there - whether it is failing a test, choosing a dead beat career, or making a dumb choice - we feel like we are at a dead end. We have no where to go and life is officially over. Guess what?? If you are reading this right now that means you are still alive. We are only at a dead end when we are DEAD!! Yeah, so you have disappointed yourself and others along the way, but you are still breathing. Breathing is a good thing. It means that there are new doors and opportunities out there for you. People may think otherwise, but I say that life is too short to care about what every person think of you. Life is too short to think about all the people you have disappointed. Someone is always going to be disappointed no matter what you do. You can't live a life where you try to please everyone and be miserable. You may be stuck but you are definitely not at a dead end. As long as you are alive there is always a way to be better and do better. The feeling of disappointment is an emotion - an emotion that does not have to be permanent. So today, lift your chin up, stop beating yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and kick BUTT in life because time is too precious to let it pass it by.
Back on!
It is 3: 47 AM and I should be sleeping, but I realized it is summer and there is nothing much to do. I decided that it is time for me to get back on here and restart my writing life! So expect more posts this summer - mostly random and stuff that makes no sense. Hopefully it is not as painful for you to read as it is for me to write:)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Hola!!
I haven't been blogged in a while and I thought that I should check in before the summer ends. I am not sure where to start with this summer, but it sure does feels like it is flying by. I felt like half of this summer was spent looking forward to going to New York. Since last November, we have been waiting for this summer and I got to say it was worth the wait!! New York was such a fun trip!!! We were able to spent a lot of time with family and meet some very special people!! Throughout the trip, we did a lot of things, but there were few highlights.
Highlight #1: The first meet with everyone after 4 years. I was a little nervous to see everyone after 4 years, but somehow it all kind of worked out.
Highlight # 2 : Getting a pedicure/ manicure. Never had one. One of the best experiences ever. Planning to get another one.
Highlight # 3 : The family barbecue. It was really hot, but the food was amazing.
Highlight # 4 : Drive to Philadelphia: Awkward and stinky in the beginning. Fun and stinky by the end.
Highlight # 5: The wedding. It was the second wedding that I had been to and one of the best ones. Everyone seemed to put on a smile and cover their dark circles from the lack of sleep. My cousin looked Ahh-mazing!!
Highlight # 6 : Drive back to New York. This is not really a highlight because we slept through most of the ride.
Highlight # 7: Playing Mafia. Just writing the word " Mafia" makes me smile:) I was a terrible killer. Nevertheless, I had fun accusing and being accused by people especially a particular person who I am not going to mention:) He had a lot of fun trying to kill me and my sisters.
Highlight # 8 : Going to the diner in Yonkers. I don't remember the name of the diner but it was really good.
Highlight # 9 : Going to the subway to get to the city. One word: Terrifying. I was so afraid to look at anyone because I was worried someone would go all crazy on me. I looked at the dirty subway floor for most of the time. Fortunately, I got out of there safely.
Highlight # 10: Meeting the people from my uncle's church. Everyone was really nice and sweet to us. There may have been few who didn't really like us because we were falling asleep in church. There is no excuse for it, but I got to say I tried my best and I did good for someone who was running on 5 hours of sleep.
Highlight # 11: Going to Piermount Pier.The view from there was really pretty. We could have almost crashed a wedding, but we just watched from the sideline. I guess I could say I have been to three weddings:)
Highlight # 12 : Playing Camps. I have never played it before, but it was definitely fun. I was slow at it but I got the hang of it by the next day.
Highlight # 13: The humidity. We were all able to withstand and beat the humidity - including my hair.
These were most of the highlights from the trip. It is crazy to know that all of this happened in a matter of 10 days. It was sad to leave New York, but it was good to know that we were leaving after meeting everyone we wanted to meet. I can't wait for the next New York trip!!
Highlight #1: The first meet with everyone after 4 years. I was a little nervous to see everyone after 4 years, but somehow it all kind of worked out.
Highlight # 2 : Getting a pedicure/ manicure. Never had one. One of the best experiences ever. Planning to get another one.
Highlight # 3 : The family barbecue. It was really hot, but the food was amazing.
Highlight # 4 : Drive to Philadelphia: Awkward and stinky in the beginning. Fun and stinky by the end.
Highlight # 5: The wedding. It was the second wedding that I had been to and one of the best ones. Everyone seemed to put on a smile and cover their dark circles from the lack of sleep. My cousin looked Ahh-mazing!!
Highlight # 6 : Drive back to New York. This is not really a highlight because we slept through most of the ride.
Highlight # 7: Playing Mafia. Just writing the word " Mafia" makes me smile:) I was a terrible killer. Nevertheless, I had fun accusing and being accused by people especially a particular person who I am not going to mention:) He had a lot of fun trying to kill me and my sisters.
Highlight # 8 : Going to the diner in Yonkers. I don't remember the name of the diner but it was really good.
Highlight # 9 : Going to the subway to get to the city. One word: Terrifying. I was so afraid to look at anyone because I was worried someone would go all crazy on me. I looked at the dirty subway floor for most of the time. Fortunately, I got out of there safely.
Highlight # 10: Meeting the people from my uncle's church. Everyone was really nice and sweet to us. There may have been few who didn't really like us because we were falling asleep in church. There is no excuse for it, but I got to say I tried my best and I did good for someone who was running on 5 hours of sleep.
Highlight # 11: Going to Piermount Pier.The view from there was really pretty. We could have almost crashed a wedding, but we just watched from the sideline. I guess I could say I have been to three weddings:)
Highlight # 12 : Playing Camps. I have never played it before, but it was definitely fun. I was slow at it but I got the hang of it by the next day.
Highlight # 13: The humidity. We were all able to withstand and beat the humidity - including my hair.
These were most of the highlights from the trip. It is crazy to know that all of this happened in a matter of 10 days. It was sad to leave New York, but it was good to know that we were leaving after meeting everyone we wanted to meet. I can't wait for the next New York trip!!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
NY!!!
I will be heading to New York and I am so excited!!! I haven't been there for four years and I am really eager to see how everyone is doing now.The two things that I am worried about are my frizzy hair and my awkwardness.
It is a little weird and superficial for me to say that I am worried about my hair, but I really think that my hair is one of the craziest and most unmanageable hair in the world. My hair is so poofy to the point where it could scare the living and wake up the dead. I might be exaggerating a little bit about the last part:) I was thinking that if my hair is this poofy in AZ that it might double in size by the time I get out of JFK airport. I have heard that it is really humid in New York and I really hope that it is not bad as it people say. If it is, I really hope my hair will behave:)
The other thing that I am anxious about is meeting people. Especially new people. I am not the greatest person in meeting and greeting. I tend to be really awkward and quiet. It takes me a while to warm up to people. I hope that I don't weird anyone out and say something dumb. If I do, I apologize in advance.
On the other hand, I am really excited to go to New York to see my cousin getting married! There is something joyous about being at weddings. I think it is beautiful to see a journey and a life beginning in front of my eyes. This is going to be the first family wedding that I am going to witness so it is really special.
I am also excited to see familiar faces and catch up with them. I am excited to see the city again and see new places. On that note, New York, HERE I COME!!!!:)
It is a little weird and superficial for me to say that I am worried about my hair, but I really think that my hair is one of the craziest and most unmanageable hair in the world. My hair is so poofy to the point where it could scare the living and wake up the dead. I might be exaggerating a little bit about the last part:) I was thinking that if my hair is this poofy in AZ that it might double in size by the time I get out of JFK airport. I have heard that it is really humid in New York and I really hope that it is not bad as it people say. If it is, I really hope my hair will behave:)
The other thing that I am anxious about is meeting people. Especially new people. I am not the greatest person in meeting and greeting. I tend to be really awkward and quiet. It takes me a while to warm up to people. I hope that I don't weird anyone out and say something dumb. If I do, I apologize in advance.
On the other hand, I am really excited to go to New York to see my cousin getting married! There is something joyous about being at weddings. I think it is beautiful to see a journey and a life beginning in front of my eyes. This is going to be the first family wedding that I am going to witness so it is really special.
I am also excited to see familiar faces and catch up with them. I am excited to see the city again and see new places. On that note, New York, HERE I COME!!!!:)
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
The Unknown
I feel that as I am growing up, it is getting much harder to to face every day. The sad thing is I am saying it as a teenager. I have no idea how much more crazier it is going to get when I am in my 20's. 30's, 40's, and all the decades that come after that.
To be honest, I am not sure if it is hormones, teenager brain, being a girl, or just life that makes me feel the way I do. I feel like my emotions are all over the place. There are times I am so happy and hyper with no care in the world and there are other times where I feel like I am going no where in life. I guess I am trying to say that there are way too much emotions involved when I do things. I feel that things are getting complex and complicated as I am growing up.
I am growing up way too fast. Or at least it seems like. I guess a lot of people see it as a good thing. Getting out of the house. Finding a place. Choosing a college that it 500 miles away from home and living alone. Unfortunately, not me. I am scared out of my FREAKING mind to get out of my house!! Let's face it. I can't even get of the house without making sure that the neighbor's cat is not in the front porch! I am not one of those people who can free fall and hope to land on solid ground. I am one of those anti-rollercoaster-sit-in-a-cocoon-get-away-from-creepy-people kinda gal. I am the last person to take risks. I avoid stages, skydivers, talking in front of people, talking TO people as much as I can because I like to play it safe. However, these days I am realizing that I can't live in my parents' house forever. I have to get out there and actually figure it out. I have to decide what I want to do with my life. I have to take risks and hope that I fall on solid ground. I also realized that if I do make a mess, then I will just have to learn from it and make better choices. I guess it is one of the most scariest and the most exciting thing that life has to offer. The unknown. Not knowing what exactly you are doing but hoping that your faith and the things that you have learned will kick in. As scared as I am, I feel like somehow things are going to work out. Hopefully it does :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Women's Day !
A shout out for all the girls, teenagers,ladies, and young women out there!!! Happy Belated Women's Day! It is not a day that is recognized by a lot of people today. To be honest, I didn't really know that there was a day for women until a couple of days ago:)
For a while, I have been feeling grateful for the freedom and rights I have as a woman. I had a conversation with couple of my friends the other day of how some people think that girls are weak and of less value. I feel that this discrimination and stereotypes that people have of women are so wrong. They think that we are not capable of doing things and that we can only do so much to change the world.We have the ability to change lives and change the world. I feel like God has given us traits such as compassion that enables us to to change the world.
One thing that has influenced me to have such a strong view on women's right is a book that I read last year. During the fall of last year, I read A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. It is an amazing novel of a young girl in Kabul, Afghanistan who was forced into a marriage with a much older man after her mother died. This story explains of this girl's journey as she stayed in this marriage. Throughout the entire book, I kept thinking " Why did she get married to him??" It was one of those books that makes you so frustrated but you can't put it down. I felt like this book was partially disturbing because of the way this lady was treated. She was abused and forced into things that she didn't wanted to do such as covering her face completely when she went outside. She was completely closed off from the outside world and hated by this man for not being able to produce a child. She had to see her husband get married to another girl and see her getting tortured the same way that he tortured her. It is one of those books that shows the emotional threshold and stamina that a woman has. She stayed in the marriage for 20 or so years until she couldn't see him abuse his second wife anymore. I won't say how the book ended, but it was an ending that saddened me and relieved me at the same time. It reminded me of how grateful I should to be able to live in a land where I could achieve my dreams and make a difference.
To all the women out there who are young or old, never think that you are not important. We don't have to sit down and be treated poorly treated. Know that you matter and that your voice counts. You are one more person that can make difference in this world. You are capable of achieving all of your dreams as long as you believe in it. Let us be a voice for those women who can't speak and fight for what is important.
For a while, I have been feeling grateful for the freedom and rights I have as a woman. I had a conversation with couple of my friends the other day of how some people think that girls are weak and of less value. I feel that this discrimination and stereotypes that people have of women are so wrong. They think that we are not capable of doing things and that we can only do so much to change the world.We have the ability to change lives and change the world. I feel like God has given us traits such as compassion that enables us to to change the world.
One thing that has influenced me to have such a strong view on women's right is a book that I read last year. During the fall of last year, I read A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. It is an amazing novel of a young girl in Kabul, Afghanistan who was forced into a marriage with a much older man after her mother died. This story explains of this girl's journey as she stayed in this marriage. Throughout the entire book, I kept thinking " Why did she get married to him??" It was one of those books that makes you so frustrated but you can't put it down. I felt like this book was partially disturbing because of the way this lady was treated. She was abused and forced into things that she didn't wanted to do such as covering her face completely when she went outside. She was completely closed off from the outside world and hated by this man for not being able to produce a child. She had to see her husband get married to another girl and see her getting tortured the same way that he tortured her. It is one of those books that shows the emotional threshold and stamina that a woman has. She stayed in the marriage for 20 or so years until she couldn't see him abuse his second wife anymore. I won't say how the book ended, but it was an ending that saddened me and relieved me at the same time. It reminded me of how grateful I should to be able to live in a land where I could achieve my dreams and make a difference.
To all the women out there who are young or old, never think that you are not important. We don't have to sit down and be treated poorly treated. Know that you matter and that your voice counts. You are one more person that can make difference in this world. You are capable of achieving all of your dreams as long as you believe in it. Let us be a voice for those women who can't speak and fight for what is important.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Plans?
Sorry for being away for so long. I can't believe it is already March!! It went by pretty fast. I haven't been doing a whole lot this year. Usually I have some sort of New Year's Resolution but for some reason I didn't really have one for this year. I think it is because I know myself well enough to know that my plans don't work out.
There are many people who I have met that is able to do anything that they their set mind up to. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I struggle with going with what I say. I guess it could be a really bad thing but there are some times when I realize that it is okay when things don't always go the way I want it to go. It doesn't really mean that I let my life pass by me. It is important to have goals but it is okay if you cheat with your plans sometimes.
I remember being that uptight person who freaks out when things don't go the way they were planned. However, this year it just feels so good to let go and relax for a minute. I still do have those moments where I panic and stress out but I feel better when I am calm. I guess that was one of my brain's resolution.
I hope you guys have New Year's Resolutions that are going well but if it is not, don't freak out. It is okay if it doesn't go the way you wanted. Give yourself a break and sit back with a book or have a bubble bath. Life is too short to worry and stress about little things:)
There are many people who I have met that is able to do anything that they their set mind up to. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I struggle with going with what I say. I guess it could be a really bad thing but there are some times when I realize that it is okay when things don't always go the way I want it to go. It doesn't really mean that I let my life pass by me. It is important to have goals but it is okay if you cheat with your plans sometimes.
I remember being that uptight person who freaks out when things don't go the way they were planned. However, this year it just feels so good to let go and relax for a minute. I still do have those moments where I panic and stress out but I feel better when I am calm. I guess that was one of my brain's resolution.
I hope you guys have New Year's Resolutions that are going well but if it is not, don't freak out. It is okay if it doesn't go the way you wanted. Give yourself a break and sit back with a book or have a bubble bath. Life is too short to worry and stress about little things:)
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Back on
Hello everyone!! I have decided to come back to blogging world after a long absence. The reason why I haven't blogged in a long time is because I have a lot to say and at the same time I don't really have a whole lot to say. The past three months have been good; a lot has happened: good and bad. I hope everyone else are doing well and having a good start to this year! Talk to you guys later!!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
First Thanksgiving
This is the first Thanksgiving in our new house and it feels really special. It feels nice to give mama break and let the kids cook. Yes, the kids are cooking and you might think it is going to be disastrous but we are going to do our best. Last year was the first time we made Thanksgiving food but it was out of boxes. This year we decided to make some foods from scratch. Hopefully the food turns out to be okay but if it doesn't I am still going to be grateful for all that I have.
I am grateful for a lot of things this year. I am grateful for a good family who loves and cares for me. I am thankful for all of my friends who support me. I am grateful for all the people who take me for who I am. I am blessed to have another breath.I am simply grateful today.
I hope you all have a good Thanksgiving and remember that it is not about a tradition but a reminder of how we should be grateful for what we have. What are you thankful for this year?
I am grateful for a lot of things this year. I am grateful for a good family who loves and cares for me. I am thankful for all of my friends who support me. I am grateful for all the people who take me for who I am. I am blessed to have another breath.I am simply grateful today.
I hope you all have a good Thanksgiving and remember that it is not about a tradition but a reminder of how we should be grateful for what we have. What are you thankful for this year?
Saturday, November 19, 2011
" Hold on tight"
This post might be a little bit embarrassing for you, Deni but as an older sister it is my job to brag about you :)
The other day I was checking my email and I got a message from my sister with the subject " Hold on Tight". I opened up the email and it said, "School my be hard, but it wont be long till you get your diploma, hold on tight.... and everything will work out.... :D" and there was a picture of Agnes from " Despicable Me" hugging a monster- looking animal. It was a cute email that was uplifting and funny:)
I feel bad for my little sister sometimes because I get so caught up with my studies that I forget to listen to her. I don't listen to her as well as I should and that makes me a bad sister. I can get so irritable sometimes that I take it on her but somehow she still deals with it. She takes the time to listen to me even though I don't. Deni has these qualities that are so unique. She is bold, strong, and fearless. She enjoys life and doesn't carry a heavy load on her back. I am not saying that she has it easy. She is one of those optimistic people who can face life's challenges eye-to-eye. I can see it in her. I can see that she has potential to change things in life. Although she seems a little hard on the outside, she truly cares about people in her life. She is a brave young lady who will hunt a person down if they hurt one of her dear ones. She is truly a unique person.
At times it takes me by surprise when she says these kind of things. I forget sometimes that she is growing up into an adolescence. I still picture her being 4' 9" with her short haircut and carrying around "Sophie", her baby doll. It is crazy to stop and realize at all the changes that is going around. It saddens me sometimes to know that people are growing and changing, but I know it is for the best.
I am grateful for my little sister and couldn't be more proud of her. Despite the negative influence that is going around her, she always make the right decisions. I am happy to have a little sister like her and couldn't have traded for another one:)
The other day I was checking my email and I got a message from my sister with the subject " Hold on Tight". I opened up the email and it said, "School my be hard, but it wont be long till you get your diploma, hold on tight.... and everything will work out.... :D" and there was a picture of Agnes from " Despicable Me" hugging a monster- looking animal. It was a cute email that was uplifting and funny:)
I feel bad for my little sister sometimes because I get so caught up with my studies that I forget to listen to her. I don't listen to her as well as I should and that makes me a bad sister. I can get so irritable sometimes that I take it on her but somehow she still deals with it. She takes the time to listen to me even though I don't. Deni has these qualities that are so unique. She is bold, strong, and fearless. She enjoys life and doesn't carry a heavy load on her back. I am not saying that she has it easy. She is one of those optimistic people who can face life's challenges eye-to-eye. I can see it in her. I can see that she has potential to change things in life. Although she seems a little hard on the outside, she truly cares about people in her life. She is a brave young lady who will hunt a person down if they hurt one of her dear ones. She is truly a unique person.
At times it takes me by surprise when she says these kind of things. I forget sometimes that she is growing up into an adolescence. I still picture her being 4' 9" with her short haircut and carrying around "Sophie", her baby doll. It is crazy to stop and realize at all the changes that is going around. It saddens me sometimes to know that people are growing and changing, but I know it is for the best.
I am grateful for my little sister and couldn't be more proud of her. Despite the negative influence that is going around her, she always make the right decisions. I am happy to have a little sister like her and couldn't have traded for another one:)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Cracked Under Pressure
When it comes to tests and quizzes, I literally cracked under pressure. Today in Math, I had a quiz that wasn't too long and not too hard. As I was taking the quiz I could feel myself panicking and freaking out. My hands were shaking and I couldn't focus. The thing was I knew how to do everything but I was scared that I was going to run out of time. I have a feeling that I did bad but it is so frustrating and upsetting because it was an easy quiz. Maybe this happens because I stress out too much and think that my studies are my life when it is actually not. My studies are a part of my life and these little failures are not the things that define me and who I am. I know that this is something that I need to work on and it is going to take a while. So for people out there who is in the same boat as I am, just know that you are going to be ok. You are going to learn how to deal with these issues as time goes by.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Mamacita
I am so grateful for my mom. She is the best mother I could ask for. She is the backbone of this family and she is the one who keeps this family together.
Ever since school opened I haven't spent a lot of time with her because we are both busy. I think almost every teenage girl thinks that their mom doesn't know what they are going through. Unfortunately, I am one of those girls. No matter how many stories that my mom tells me or my family I still think that she can't relate to me. Time to time though, I realize how much wisdom she has. I am amazed at some of the things that she had to go through alone. And because of that I have seen grace and faith in her. I haven't met anyone who has the amount of faith that my mom has. Her life is based on faith. She has fought and prayed hard to God for every provision in her life. Almost everyday I could hear her behind closed doors crying in prayer. She has a passion for God like no other. She is a woman of inspiration and enncouragement. I am not saying that she is perfect but she is the best spiritual role model that I could ask for. I am not trying to boast but I am grateful for a mom like her. I hope my eyes would be completely open to appreciate for all that she has done. I hope one day I could be the same way for my kids. So for all the girls out there be grateful for your moms, grandmas or for any spiritual woman in your life. Listen to their advice, plant it in your life, and get wisdom from them because that is what will keep you going in life.
Ever since school opened I haven't spent a lot of time with her because we are both busy. I think almost every teenage girl thinks that their mom doesn't know what they are going through. Unfortunately, I am one of those girls. No matter how many stories that my mom tells me or my family I still think that she can't relate to me. Time to time though, I realize how much wisdom she has. I am amazed at some of the things that she had to go through alone. And because of that I have seen grace and faith in her. I haven't met anyone who has the amount of faith that my mom has. Her life is based on faith. She has fought and prayed hard to God for every provision in her life. Almost everyday I could hear her behind closed doors crying in prayer. She has a passion for God like no other. She is a woman of inspiration and enncouragement. I am not saying that she is perfect but she is the best spiritual role model that I could ask for. I am not trying to boast but I am grateful for a mom like her. I hope my eyes would be completely open to appreciate for all that she has done. I hope one day I could be the same way for my kids. So for all the girls out there be grateful for your moms, grandmas or for any spiritual woman in your life. Listen to their advice, plant it in your life, and get wisdom from them because that is what will keep you going in life.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Random
This is so random but I just realized that my last post was on 8/27 at 8: 27 AM. What were the chances of that happening:)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Mushrooms in Our Backyard?
The other day my mom was cleaning out in the backyard. My mom told me to come outside with her to hang out. As I was walking around the backyard I spotted these round curvy looking things on the grass. I am thinking it might be just dried up leaves and I am also thinking that those things like mushrooms. So out of curiosity I asked my mom what they were and my mom in a matter-of-fact way said those were mushrooms. I was so shocked because it is not meant to be there and also because I didn't know mushrooms could grow randomly in a person's backyard. Then I was grossed out for some what reason. And no my parents did not plant it there if you were wondering about that. I later asked my mom why she can't use it. She said that it might be poisonous.It is amazing how it can look like a regular mushroom but it is actually poisonous.
My point of the story is to say that our heart is like a backyard where you can grow anything that you want but sometimes in our hearts there could be poisonous mushrooms - things that we didn't know were there. Things that we discover later in life and realize that they were never supposed to be there. It can be bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy. It can look alright but you really have to dig out and see if it really good and useful. Do you have those poisonous mushrooms in your life? I know I do - a lot actually.Clean out your backyard (not the real one unless it is really messy )today and look for those things that are not supposed to be there because we all have things that aren't meant to be there.
My point of the story is to say that our heart is like a backyard where you can grow anything that you want but sometimes in our hearts there could be poisonous mushrooms - things that we didn't know were there. Things that we discover later in life and realize that they were never supposed to be there. It can be bitterness, unforgiveness, or jealousy. It can look alright but you really have to dig out and see if it really good and useful. Do you have those poisonous mushrooms in your life? I know I do - a lot actually.Clean out your backyard (not the real one unless it is really messy )today and look for those things that are not supposed to be there because we all have things that aren't meant to be there.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The "S" word
I currently have 4 classes this semester. World History, PreCalculus, English 2 Honors, and Spanish 1. These classes are hard and I am wondering how hard a college will get if this class is hard.
A lot of people who knows me know that I tend to stress over the little things. My innumerous gray hair can explain that.I have been stressing for the past couple of days and I was telling my friend that I am so scared that I will get an ulcer by the end of the summer. Obviously I won't because people face bigger stress than I do but it feels like at times things are going over my head. Yesterday right before I went to school I opened up my bible and this verse came up: Isaiah 41 : 13 : "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." This verse was an encouragement for me because I realized that I have someone by my side who will help me. I hope you realize that too. Don't let stress take a toll on you. Enjoy life and always know that there Someone beside you.
A lot of people who knows me know that I tend to stress over the little things. My innumerous gray hair can explain that.I have been stressing for the past couple of days and I was telling my friend that I am so scared that I will get an ulcer by the end of the summer. Obviously I won't because people face bigger stress than I do but it feels like at times things are going over my head. Yesterday right before I went to school I opened up my bible and this verse came up: Isaiah 41 : 13 : "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." This verse was an encouragement for me because I realized that I have someone by my side who will help me. I hope you realize that too. Don't let stress take a toll on you. Enjoy life and always know that there Someone beside you.
Awkardness
Couple of days ago my teacher asked us to say what we are good at and what we are not good at. When my turn came up I said that I am not good at explaining things.
I can be the type of person who can make people who are around me so awkward. At times it seems as though people don't really understand me especially now because I bit my tongue really hard the other day.
I can tell a story and go nowhere with it. At times I wonder if people wished that they could take back the past two minutes instead of listening to a pointless story told by someone. I bet there are also people in your life.......people in your life that no matter how pointless your story is they still sit and listen. They have heard you say many stories but they still take time to listen. Time that they wish will last forever- not because of your story but because of you. So for all those people out there who feels a bit awkward like me know that there is always a true person in your life who will have an open ear because they love and care for you.
I can be the type of person who can make people who are around me so awkward. At times it seems as though people don't really understand me especially now because I bit my tongue really hard the other day.
I can tell a story and go nowhere with it. At times I wonder if people wished that they could take back the past two minutes instead of listening to a pointless story told by someone. I bet there are also people in your life.......people in your life that no matter how pointless your story is they still sit and listen. They have heard you say many stories but they still take time to listen. Time that they wish will last forever- not because of your story but because of you. So for all those people out there who feels a bit awkward like me know that there is always a true person in your life who will have an open ear because they love and care for you.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Goals
Today school is starting and part of me is excited but the other part of me is nervous thinking " Can I do all of this?" It also seems like a fresh start this year and I can start with a clean slate. So I decide to make a list of goals that I want to achieve this school year.
Goal 1- Do my best : I am going to do my best and not compare myself with others.
Goal 2 - Pass most of my classes with an "A".
Goal 3 - Be more kind to people.
Goal 4 - Lose some weight ( That has been there for a long time) - I want to lose a little bit of weight and fit into jeans without having my leg stuck in it.
Goal 5 - Make all of my school lunches ( That is going to be a hard one ).
Goal 6 - Eat breakfast : I tend to skip my breakfast and I realized that it is a bad thing.
These are some of my goals and hopefully I can achieve most of them. How about you?
Goal 1- Do my best : I am going to do my best and not compare myself with others.
Goal 2 - Pass most of my classes with an "A".
Goal 3 - Be more kind to people.
Goal 4 - Lose some weight ( That has been there for a long time) - I want to lose a little bit of weight and fit into jeans without having my leg stuck in it.
Goal 5 - Make all of my school lunches ( That is going to be a hard one ).
Goal 6 - Eat breakfast : I tend to skip my breakfast and I realized that it is a bad thing.
These are some of my goals and hopefully I can achieve most of them. How about you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)